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It's an experiment ^^
May. 16th, 2002 02:24 pmWe've a new guy in RP, Mashira from Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. He's a rugged werewolf kind'a guy, and we were saying in chat that he's got that Hugh Jackman roughness to him.
Here's
Here's
May. 16th, 2002
Whine whine whine... please ignore
May. 16th, 2002 05:44 pmThere comes a time to put away childish things, dreams and fancy, spun sugar clouds and dancing mischief. There comes a time to leave behind the wants and wishes of yesterday, and all the things that could only be if... That moment is heavy on a dreamers soul, as painful as ripping away butterfly wings, for where else except our dreams can we truly fly?
I have been on that edge for a while now, balanced between clinging to my fantasies, sucking dry the last precious drops of sweet dreams and illusion, and turning away for it all... embracing the cold, the sterile. The adult.
For the longest time, each drop of fancy was a hit, pure as the finest drug, carrying me to a place beyond real life. I could rely on a moment's peace, to know that, while the books and tests and -issues- would still be there, this moment of abandon would give me power, give me strength to continue on...
Then things changed, a slow decay, and the manna turned brittle in my mouth. No longer did the words melt on my tongue, but stuck to the back of my throat, forced out in a stream of spewed syllables that covered the deeper rot. The very thing I used to lift me up had become, itself, a trial.
I knew it, I saw it, I -felt- it in my bones... but I refused to abandon my source. Surely the spring which gave so much pleasure before would... could... give that joy again?
I fear giving it up, lest there be nothing else past it, and in giving it up I am condemned to that all encompassing -nothing- where free souls whither and die.
Which is worse, the unknown which I have always feared, or the painful tearing I feel as I watch where I am drift away?
Perhaps tomorrow I'll know. Perhaps I'll wake up refreshed, able to give my dreams a chance to revive.
Perhaps I'll continue to cling to the dry white skeleton of what came before, clutch the bones to me even as they disintegrate to dust.
Perhaps...
I don't know.
I have been on that edge for a while now, balanced between clinging to my fantasies, sucking dry the last precious drops of sweet dreams and illusion, and turning away for it all... embracing the cold, the sterile. The adult.
For the longest time, each drop of fancy was a hit, pure as the finest drug, carrying me to a place beyond real life. I could rely on a moment's peace, to know that, while the books and tests and -issues- would still be there, this moment of abandon would give me power, give me strength to continue on...
Then things changed, a slow decay, and the manna turned brittle in my mouth. No longer did the words melt on my tongue, but stuck to the back of my throat, forced out in a stream of spewed syllables that covered the deeper rot. The very thing I used to lift me up had become, itself, a trial.
I knew it, I saw it, I -felt- it in my bones... but I refused to abandon my source. Surely the spring which gave so much pleasure before would... could... give that joy again?
I fear giving it up, lest there be nothing else past it, and in giving it up I am condemned to that all encompassing -nothing- where free souls whither and die.
Which is worse, the unknown which I have always feared, or the painful tearing I feel as I watch where I am drift away?
Perhaps tomorrow I'll know. Perhaps I'll wake up refreshed, able to give my dreams a chance to revive.
Perhaps I'll continue to cling to the dry white skeleton of what came before, clutch the bones to me even as they disintegrate to dust.
Perhaps...
I don't know.