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Jan. 26th, 2003 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zebralittle52Got this from work a while back, wanted to share the chuckles...
ANALOGIES & METAPHORS FOUND IN HIGH SCHOOL ESSAYS
~ Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
~ His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free.
~ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
~ She gew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
~ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
~ Her voaculary was as bad as, like, whatever.
~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~ The little boat gently drited across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
~ From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
~ Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
~ Long seperated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
~ John and Mary had never met. There were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
~ He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
~ Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that have been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
~ The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
~ The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
~ He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
~ The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
~ He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidnetally staple it to the wall.
ANALOGIES & METAPHORS FOUND IN HIGH SCHOOL ESSAYS
~ Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
~ His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free.
~ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
~ She gew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
~ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
~ Her voaculary was as bad as, like, whatever.
~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~ The little boat gently drited across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
~ From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
~ Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
~ Long seperated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
~ John and Mary had never met. There were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
~ He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
~ Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that have been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
~ The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
~ The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
~ He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
~ The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
~ He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidnetally staple it to the wall.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-26 09:29 pm (UTC)Kill. Me. Now.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-26 09:42 pm (UTC)You scare me, Wren, but in the best ways. ^_~
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Date: 2003-01-26 09:50 pm (UTC)Okay, yeah, I've already got one dork in my head *Deke waves*. And... damn. What if Brian -was- a geek, and we already know Michael was, and... y'know, garage band. And pot, and Mikey going on about some comic book or other and...
ARGH!
no subject
Date: 2003-01-26 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-26 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidnetally staple it to the wall.
Do you figure the student who wrote this tried it? After all, my automatic reaction would be "No one's that stupid"...and then I remember the people I went to high school with, and I can see some of them lining up to give this a try.
Just what I needed this morning 0_~